On my first attempt at arranging car insurance in South Africa I spoke to an insurance guy who didn’t have a terribly endearing phone manner and as the call went on my frustration and amusement grew in equal measure. Here is the gist of the conversation with what was probably going through my head in brackets.
Insurance Guy: How long has your husband been driving?
Me: The car insurance is for me, so it’s irrelevant. (Cheeky so and so).
Insurance Guy: Which provider is your husband insured with?
Me: I don’t know, he drives a company car? Also, it is irrelevant. (Totally irrelevant!).
Insurance Guy: So which insurer does his company use?
Me: That was the same question and I still don’t know the answer. (Grrr).
Insurance Guy: How did you hear about our company?
Me: My husband just called me and gave me your number.
Insurance Guy: How did HE hear about our company?
Me: I don’t know. (Seriously?)
Insurance Guy: Did he hear about it online? On the radio? In a newspap…. ?
Me: I DON’T KNOW. (You are very irritating.)
Insurance Guy: Are you happy with the quote?
Me: (The quote’s probably fine, but I don’t ever want to have to deal with you again!) This is the first quote I’ve had, so obviously I’d like some other quotes to compare.
Insurance Guy: When can I call you for a decision?
Me: (I want you to go away now) If you can just email me the quote and/or give me a reference number, I’ll call back YOU back if and when I decide to go with your company.
Insurance Guy: What time can I call you for a decision?
Me: (Persistent!) Like I said, I would prefer to get some alternative quotes. I’d like to talk to my husband. (He’s obsessed with my husband, this might be a good way to get rid of him).
Insurance Guy: What time will your husband be home?
Me: (Nope, he’s intent on sealing the deal today). I don’t know. (none of your business)
Insurance Guy: Will he be home at 6.30?
Me: I DON’T KNOW. (I said go away)
Insurance Guy: Will he be home at 7.30?
Me: I D O N ‘ T K N O W ! ! I (I want to hang up, but I’m too fascinated).
Insurance Guy: Will he be home at 9pm?
ME: Quite probably not, why don’t you call me after 9 tomorrow.
Insurance Guy: I’ll call at 9.
Me: I said after 9.
Insurance Guy: Okay, I’ll call you at 9.
Insurance Guy was persistent, I’ll give him that, but he didn’t get my business. Seriously, I was driving long before I met my husband, what the flipping bleeping effing heck does his driving record have to do with mine?
Insurance Guy tried calling me back a number of times and I avoided his calls hoping he’d give up. He didn’t. When I broke the news to him that I’d settled on a different Insurance Provider there was a further interrogation. Along the lines of why, why, why? When I finally got rid of him, his supervisor called and asked the same questions. Seriously, I just wanted a car insurance quote, not the South African Inquisition.
What a shame that during my quest to secure car insurance, I didn’t instead come across Duke Madikizela. He was severely tested by a radio prankster Darren “Whackhead” Simpson who posed as an unusual and awkward customer. You can listen to the prank here.